Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
