He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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