Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize