where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
