I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
