Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
