Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
