Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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