Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
