Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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