I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
