i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
