he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
