dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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