no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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