Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
