put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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