He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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