maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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