so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
