My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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