I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
