So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
