If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
