So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to calm my uterus...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
