Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
