Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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