Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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