I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
NoShamevember. You game?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
