seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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