yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Farmville is her only friend.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
