these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
