I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
