i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize