i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
