she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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