she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
