Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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