4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
