New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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