very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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