My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize