She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
