i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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