If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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