So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
