At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
