How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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