He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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