So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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