The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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