How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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