I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
