So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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