Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
