And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
