capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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