He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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