Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
