Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
