she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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