She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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