I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
