Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
