the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
