I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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