i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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