literally had 100 drinks last night.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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