11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
