When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
