you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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