I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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