He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
