My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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