he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
