I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
