okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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