You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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