I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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