pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
love makes seman taste better
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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