if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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