Did you just see the Batmobile???
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
