What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
