Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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