i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
