U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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