She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
