I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
