omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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