yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I won the penis lottery.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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