So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
