theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
