just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
