Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
