You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
