You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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